Shifting

Not falling behind. Just walking slowly.

Making the decision was pretty tough. Whether to take the exam again; if so, when?
When would you apply? Where? How would you pay for it?

The significant point that shifted my perspective was recognizing that entering a post-grad school isn't my goal. The ultimate goal is somewhere above. If I concern solely about moving faster than others, achieving something to brag about, and gossiping, then my decision would've been a mere mistake.

Well, I think I learned to look beyond the ridiculous view of the world by now.

Living with my parents and my brother for the first time since I was 15 made me realize who they really are; what I thought of them was just an image. Now I'm starting to really understand them, and I needed this.

Learning to read more is so precious; what I have forgotten to do for such a long time is finally coming back to me. I'm reaching out to the world more subtly. Of course, trainning to read faster and deeper is one thing, but that's not the entire message here. A cliche could be used appropriately here: broadening the way to look at the world.

Stimulating the interests that I have been trying to bury in heart is liberating; when else in my life would I be able to bring them out and develop them? They are mostly in the field of arts. Though I chose not to jump into the field as a career, I can still enjoy and make them as escape holes -- from stress.

Lastly, the very personal satisfaction coming from this time of my life is my relationship with God. Day by day, I don't feel improvements, but weeks after weeks, I can tell what he has been doing. Clearing my thoughts and finding a focus; uprooting unnecessary relationships and investing precious time into the 'real' ones; realizing what I need to do now and expecting an optimistic future -- not the unrealistic one, of course. What an amazing job he has done so far! Now is the time for me to do my job.


Well, I still don't like to share my future plans. More than one might hope, there are so many people who can't see beyond the horizon. Or, should I say the majority of the people out there? They measure not only themselves, but others by their little yardstick. I know I'm still a bit trapped in the standard the world provides. My next step is freeing myself from it.

ayayayay

It's been only a week since graduation.
It hasn't been even a week since I came back home.
But,
I'm so bored...I can't start studying.

I'm such a workaholic..

화

나 자꾸 화가 난다.
K군, H군, B군.
참 오랜만에 느끼는 감정인거같은데,
내가 너가 필요할때 항상 있어주는 인형은 아니잖니?
필요할때 함께해주고 말하면 들어준다고
언제나 그럴꺼라고 기대하진 마라.
나이스하게, 좋게 좋게 하니까 자꾸 이용하려고 하는데
intentional하던 아니던 나도 지친다.
나도 옛사람 나오기 전에 그만 하자.

appreciation

하늘색, 고민해 본적 있어?
어린 아이가 가지고 노는 종이 인형처럼
검붉은 색 새벽하늘
연하늘 색 아침하늘
파아란 바다색,
파스텔톤 주황하늘
옷을 갈아입는 것, 본적 있어?

가끔은 숨을 깊게 쉬어봐.
후-하, 후-하.
찬란한 것보단
알게 모르게, 연하지만 강한
그런 하늘색처럼.

all the same

people are all the same, especially guys.

I was really glad to find a guy that I could talk to and hangout easily without the opposite gender attraction... "Oppa" like figure, I guess.
Well, it turns out to be the reason he's been so nice to me and hanging out with me is that
I resemble his ex-girl friend so much. Though he did not say so directly...
now I feel like he doesn't like me as who I am, but likes me because I look or act like someone he used to like. Weird, huh? and too bad.

비오는 에모리

아무도 없는 Fall break 에모리에
비가 오는 아침.
착 가라앉은 분위기가 아이러니 하게도 날 설레게 한다.

아침 일찍 도서관으로 향하는 길에
인기척은 오직 빗소리 뿐인데
뿌듯한 마음과 무언가 하고싶다는 가슴은
어디서 부터 나오는 것일까?

thoughts

오랜만에.

사람을 너무 믿어서도 안되며
너무 배타적이어도 안되고

모든 것을 주어도 안되지만
모든 것을 감추어도 안되.

혼자만의 시간을 가지되,
함께하는 시간의 중요성을 알아야 하고

몰랐던 것을 알아가는 기쁨이 있지만
다 알려고 하는 욕심이 있으면 안되.

세상에서 가장 어려운게 인간관계인듯싶다.