Shifting

Not falling behind. Just walking slowly.

Making the decision was pretty tough. Whether to take the exam again; if so, when?
When would you apply? Where? How would you pay for it?

The significant point that shifted my perspective was recognizing that entering a post-grad school isn't my goal. The ultimate goal is somewhere above. If I concern solely about moving faster than others, achieving something to brag about, and gossiping, then my decision would've been a mere mistake.

Well, I think I learned to look beyond the ridiculous view of the world by now.

Living with my parents and my brother for the first time since I was 15 made me realize who they really are; what I thought of them was just an image. Now I'm starting to really understand them, and I needed this.

Learning to read more is so precious; what I have forgotten to do for such a long time is finally coming back to me. I'm reaching out to the world more subtly. Of course, trainning to read faster and deeper is one thing, but that's not the entire message here. A cliche could be used appropriately here: broadening the way to look at the world.

Stimulating the interests that I have been trying to bury in heart is liberating; when else in my life would I be able to bring them out and develop them? They are mostly in the field of arts. Though I chose not to jump into the field as a career, I can still enjoy and make them as escape holes -- from stress.

Lastly, the very personal satisfaction coming from this time of my life is my relationship with God. Day by day, I don't feel improvements, but weeks after weeks, I can tell what he has been doing. Clearing my thoughts and finding a focus; uprooting unnecessary relationships and investing precious time into the 'real' ones; realizing what I need to do now and expecting an optimistic future -- not the unrealistic one, of course. What an amazing job he has done so far! Now is the time for me to do my job.


Well, I still don't like to share my future plans. More than one might hope, there are so many people who can't see beyond the horizon. Or, should I say the majority of the people out there? They measure not only themselves, but others by their little yardstick. I know I'm still a bit trapped in the standard the world provides. My next step is freeing myself from it.